Episode 5: Sacred Sisterhood: Fostering a Supportive World for Women

Breaking the Cycle: Empowering Women Through Collaboration and Connection

This week, Victoria delves into the concept of jealousy vs envy and how it can actually be a positive force in our lives. She explores the damaging effects of comparing ourselves to others, and how our own insecurities can manifest in destructive behaviors towards other women. Victoria goes on to discuss the power of embracing a mindset of empowerment vs. competition, and how sisterhood and supporting one another can help us deeply heal. Join us as we challenge societal narratives and embrace the strength of women supporting women.

[00:02:24] Women turning on each other is ingrained in us from the Salem witch trials, but we can change that mindset by realizing it's safe to be ourselves and that other women aren't the enemy. 

[00:04:54] Coming together with women, supporting each other, showcasing talents, not in competition, empowering daughters, dismantling patriarchy.

[00:09:24] Understanding the flaws within ourselves helps us realize that other women are not our enemies. Taking responsibility for our own journey is important. Being supportive of other women brings positivity.

[00:12:57] Rejecting the narrative, viewing women as allies, sharing burdens with sisters.

[00:13:52] Having a group of supportive women is powerful; lean into female friendships, open yourself up to others, and realize they can be your champions. Call your girlfriends, thank them, and make new connections.

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Cover art: @house.of.morgan

the Full transcript:

Hi, loves. Welcome to another episode of Flip the script with Vic. I'm your host, Victoria Nielsen. Today we're going to be talking about Sacred Sisterhood. And I guess I should unpack what that actually means because I feel like when you say the word sisterhood, at least for me, it conjures this image of girls at sleepaway camp braiding each other's hair and gossiping about boys. And yes, it's that, but it's not. Sacred Sisterhood at its core, for me, is about women supporting one another and realizing that we are not competition, that we are actually better and stronger together when we are in collaboration with one another, when we raise one. Another up when we cheer one another on and realize that that woman next to you, her accomplishments take nothing away from you and your accomplishments.

[00:00:59]:

That actually when she is out there living her dreams, doing the damn thing, getting all the gold stars, that it's easier for you to be able to do the same. That she is blazing her own path and that that means that you can blaze yours. And if we take a step back here I don't know about any of you all listening, but growing up I was a competition cheerleader. And from a young age, we were pitted against one another. Women were taught that there are only so many seats at the table, there are only so many spots, and if you want them, you're going to have to be cut through to get them. If you want them, you're going to have to tear this other woman girl down next to you to get that. That's literally what happened to me. I was kind of on standby for this competition cheerleading team, and I only got a spot because another girl got hurt.

[00:01:53]:

Imagine how that other girl felt. No wonder she hated me for years. She probably hated me for other reasons. I wasn't very nice about boys back then, but she hated me because I took her spot. And she was kind of thrown to the wayside and told, like, oh, no, you're not good enough anymore. Like, we don't need you. Never mind. And it's no wonder that women have this innate fear of one another.

[00:02:24]:

I mean, if you think back to the witch trials in Salem, for example, women were telling on one another, we're sending one another to the stake for their safety, for their survival. And that is ingrained in us. It's ingrained in our DNA and passed down from our great great great grandmothers. And we can be the ones to change that if we shift our perspective, if we tell ourselves that it's safe to be ourselves right now, that other women aren't the enemy, that they're not going to come after you, that they're not going to persecute you for your beliefs and for the things that you're going after. And that's been a big unlearning for me because women well, I shouldn't even say women girls weren't nice to me growing up and I think a lot of women out there have these experiences and these stories of middle school and teenage angst and girls being mean to one another. But it really rocked me to my core because I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be liked, I wanted to be understood. And when I wasn't, when I was ostracized or when I was made fun of or when someone was attacking me, it really rooted in deep. I've told the story many times about the girl that said that I thought that I was all that in elementary school and I internalized that for a really long time because I didn't want to be seen in that light.

[00:03:49]:

I wanted to be liked, I wanted to be respected, I wanted to be part of that cool crowd, that in crowd. And it's only from finding true sacred sisterhood with other women that have no ulterior motives but to cheer me on that I've been able to heal that wounding, that I've been able to see that there is more than enough room at the table for me and for any woman who wants to do anything that she wants. And that actually I'm able to do more in collaboration with other women by my side. A perfect example of that is I've been going on a nontraditional book tour to promote my book Find Your Way Home moving Through Miscarriage Poems and Practices to Reclaim Your Light After Loss. And it started as just this idea of me hosting women's circles across the US to get the word out about the book. But what it's turned into is me collaborating with women across the US in the spaces that they own or they hold or to showcase their gifts and that it is about my book and celebrating the book. But it's bigger than that. It's more than that.

[00:04:54]:

It's about coming together with other women to share sacred space and say that you don't have to hold this all on your own. I'm here with you, I'm here to support you and you shining your light doesn't make any less of me. And so I'm going to Denver next week to host one with a dear friend and part of the circle is her leading her magic, her leading, her dance experience, her showcasing what she is amazing at. And I have more coming up in Chicago and in Massachusetts, and they're all completely different based on the woman that I'm co creating the experience with and the magic that she wants to share in the world and what lights her up. And what's going to provide the best experience for the other women in the room? To show that this woman next to me is my equal and then some. And we are not in competition with one another and I think if we can teach our daughters that they don't have to fear other women and that other women are actually their allies. God, what a wonderful world that would be. Imagine how strong we would be as women coming together instead of tearing one another down, instead of allowing what the patriarchal society has taught us to rule.

[00:06:09]:

And I had a really interesting conversation the other day about the difference between jealousy and envy. And I think this is important to talk about because women, of course, I think some of that competition and wounding that comes up with other women in the room is because of that jealousy, that envy. But they're two different emotions. And I think this is a really important distinction because jealousy is about losing something. Jealousy is about feeling like you're clinging so tightly to that thing, and you don't want that other person that's looking at it to have it. So whether it's that boy, that job, those accolades, whatever it is, but you are worried about losing it, and that lack. And that's not an energy that I want to be in. Envy, on the other hand, yes, we've been told by society that envy is a bad thing, but I actually think it's not.

[00:07:01]:

I think envy shows you the things that you want that you aspire to, that you want to go after. And if you can look at envy as a good thing, as an expander, instead of this little green monster on your shoulder, instead of it being this terrible thing, envy shows you the things that you want so that you can reveal more of yourself to you. An example of this actually was I used to follow this one, I still follow her, this really popular podcaster, spiritual person. And she was doing these funny videos when Reels first came out, and I remember being like, oh, who is she to do that? She's like, twerking on camera like, Ugh. And I was saying that because I wanted to be doing that, I wanted to feel free enough to do that without shame. And I had to feel those feelings and go through that to realize that I was jealous of her. I was in that lack energy, thinking that her shining, her light, her being in her joy made me less than. Then it turned into envy because I was like, wow, she's so free, I want that.

[00:08:12]:

And so it propelled me to then start making my own reels, to create my own TikTok. And now I'm at the point where I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of what I do on the Internet and enjoy making a fool of myself on the internet. But a couple of years ago, when I first started following her, I couldn't even envision that. But she was an expander for me. She was a catalyst for me to see in myself, where I had room to grow, where I had dreams that I was not even acknowledging for myself because I didn't think it was possible. And so I wanted to take her down. Because my ego said, oh, if you can't have that thing, she can't have that thing. But that's not true.

[00:08:48]:

If she can have that thing, then you can have that thing too. And you need to tell your ego to shut the fuck up. Or have a conversation nicely with your inner critic would probably be the better way to approach it. But it's always an opportunity for you to see where you have room to grow, but then cheer her the fuck on. Get excited for her. Like, spread that love and that joy, because that's what's going to come back to you. The energy that you're putting out around other women is going to come back to you. If you're tearing other women down, if you're talking shit, that's going to come back to you, and other women are going to do the same to you.

[00:09:24]:

I was one of those women before. I get it. I definitely was a shit talker because I felt like I was missing something in my life. And it felt easier to take down that other woman than it did to face what was bothering me about myself. And so when we go on this healing journey, when we do this inner work, when we really look at ourselves, turn the mirror back at us, we really see that the flaws lie with us and not with other women. And when we can have that radical responsibility, I talk about that a lot and look at ourselves, it makes it a lot easier to realize that other women are not the enemy. They are not the reason that you didn't get that job or that that boy didn't like you, that's you maybe you weren't meant for that job. Maybe it's actually a really good thing that boy didn't like you because you missed out on like a whole bunch of heartache and shit that you didn't need to go through and instead of blaming that other woman, own that about yourself or about your journey, right? But if you're that cheerleader, if you're that person that is like, yay, other women, yay you, I'm so excited for you.

[00:10:33]:

That's the energy you're going to get back from other women. That's the energy and support that you're going to get back. And if this isn't resonating with you at all, that's totally fine. But I am so thankful for the women that I have found along the way. Because that's when one of my biggest growths and shifts happened in my life, was when I found a community of other like minded women who wanted to cheer me on, who wanted to support me, who could see me and my gifts before I even could, who believed in me so wholeheartedly, in the moments when I didn't believe in myself that it was like, damn, I have got a group of badass women behind me. I'm not alone in this. And the other thing about spiritual sisterhood or just sacred sisterhood that I think is important to say is it doesn't mean necessarily that you have to be all yogis or all meditate together. That's fine.

[00:11:27]:

I have friends that support me that are like meditation, and that is not for me. But they will support and listen to my podcasts and do my things just because it's me. And so I'm not saying that it has to be like a mindfulness or spiritual thing, but instead it's about support and showing other women that you don't have to go it alone. Because we are now in the Aquarian Age, where we're coming into the space of community, we're coming into the space of circular leadership, where it's not just this one person on a pedestal, and that's the only way to do it. We are all learning from each other. We are growing from one another. We are sharing the stage with one another. It's not just, I am the guru and this is the only way to do it.

[00:12:10]:

No, there's a thousand ways to do it, and we are going to learn further, faster, stronger, longer, all those things when we do it with other women, because we're not going it alone. We have the support. If we can open ourselves up and put the ego aside and say, she makes me more, not less. And I think that's so important as we're raising this next generation of women, of strong women, that it's time to support one another. It's time to stand up and be arm in arm with one another and not tear one another down. Because that doesn't make anyone feel good, that doesn't make you feel good, that doesn't make the woman that you're tearing down feel good. Just makes us all feel like shit. And there's enough in this world to make us feel like shit.

[00:12:57]:

So I'm not going to subscribe to that narrative anymore. I'm not going to subscribe to the narrative that this woman next to me is my enemy. She is my friend, she is my copatriot, she is my thread in the dark sometimes. Because I think that's the other thing that I wanted to mention about Sisterhood because I was personally doing this. We put so much pressure on our partners to be everything for us, and they're not meant to be. I feel so fulfilled and loved by my sisters. And not that I don't buy my husband, that's not what I mean by that. But what I mean is that instead of placing that burden on him to be my confident, my lover, my best friend, all the things, if I can take that weight off of him and bring some of these things to my sisters, then I'm not putting unrealistic expectations on him, on my marriage, on these other things that aren't meant to be.

[00:13:52]:

That having this group of women to go to rain or shine about anything is a game changer, because there is nothing like a woman hype squad to hype you up, okay? There is absolutely nothing like having a hype squad of amazing women behind you. That is the most powerful feeling I've ever felt, is to have another woman come to support me. Like, no questions asked, wanting nothing in return, like, just doing it out of the love of her heart. That is so fucking powerful. So if you get nothing else from this episode, I hope it is just to lean into the friendships and the sisterhood that you have around you and really open yourself up to the other woman in your life and realize that they are not the enemy and that they have a lot to teach you and a lot to support you with and that they can be the champion for you sometimes when you can't even see yourself. And so I really hope you call your girlfriends after listening to this episode and thank them for all that they've done for you. I hope that you put yourself out there and maybe meet some new girlfriends or make some new friends or join some new communities, because that is where some magic can really happen. When you take that leap of faith and put yourself out there and find that you will be caught by these other women, you will be supported.

[00:15:14]:

You won't be shunned. And if you're in a group of women right now who is not that for you, then maybe it's time to cut some ties. Maybe it's time to shine your light elsewhere. Or, hey, maybe you're the one that shines your light first and shows other women that it's okay to not tear down. That instead, you're going to lift them up and see what magical changes that you can create in your world. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode. I'm loving releasing new episodes every Tuesday. I love having these conversations with you.

[00:15:52]:

Please, like, share rate subscribe with anyone that you think would benefit from the magic. I'm going to leave the waitlist for the Portal collective in the show notes. It is my Kundalini Yoga and breath work on Demand portal that is opening in August. More to come soon, but I will leave you with that little teaser. Be kind to one another. Have a beautiful rest of your day and I love you.