Episode 11 - The Art of Self-Love: Creating a Resilient Relationship with Yourself During Venus Retrograde

Venus, the planet of love, beauty, and relationships is retrograde until Sept. 22nd, 2023. What a perfect time to make positive change to what I think is the *most* important relationship: the one with yourself.

In this week's episode we talk about:
- How the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz inspires more self-love when you use them as a foundational tool
- How the relationship you have with yourself is the base for ALL the relationships you have in your life

- Approaching life with a neutral mind
- Find your confidence & standing in your power

Read the full transcript here:

Speaker A [00:00:02]:

Welcome to Flip the Script with Vic, your weekly pep talk to expand and shift your perspective. I'm your host, Victoria Nielsen. Together, we'll unwind all the things you thought you knew and awaken to what's possible when you flip the script and take control of your own life. Are you ready? Let's jump on in. Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Flip the script with Vic. I'm your host, Victoria Nielsen. I am so excited to dive into this juicy topic.

Speaker A [00:00:30]:

Today. We are in the midst of Venus retrograde, which, if you follow anyone spiritual or anyone in astrology, it's probably all that you've heard about that and the Venus Kazimi that was yesterday as of this recording. And the Kazimi is really just when the sun is shining on Venus and really illuminating everything that that planet is about. And Venus is the planet of love and relationships and beauty. And so when Venus is in retrograde, really all that means is that the planet is moving backwards. And so it's a chance for you to revisit some of the things that you maybe had some trouble with before, or in this case, in relationships, right, where you have some things to work through or there are ways that you can be kinder and nicer to yourself or potentially beautify your surrounding area. And I'm one that actually really thinks retrogrades are a good thing. I feel like we hear a lot about Mercury retrograde in particular, that it's all doom and gloom and it causes all these technology glitches and things like that, and that can be true.

Speaker A [00:01:44]:

But anytime a retrograde happens, it's an opportunity, right, to revisit and see where we can make some positive changes. And it's a slower time. So you're not going to be starting anything new. You're going to be working on things that are maybe already in your life and perfecting them or optimizing them or just making them better. And that's always a beautiful thing, because where else in life do we get this second chance to do something again? More often than not, we don't get a ton of second chances. And so when the planets are retrograde, I really love to use this as an opportunity to refine and to get really detailed about the things in my life that I want to change or adjust or the things that just are no longer working, that I'm ready to finally let go of. And I was also born under a ton of planets in retrograde, so maybe I'm just a retrograde baby and I naturally find this energy soothing, but I really believe that it is such an opportunity and a chance, and especially with Venus in retrograde, to reexamine the relationship you have with yourself. So, to me, when we talk about relationships, yes, of course, your romantic relationships and your platonic relationships are great to review right now.

Speaker A [00:03:07]:

But I think first and foremost, the most important relationship you can have is with yourself and from that relationship is how you then interact with everyone around you. And I was talking with a good friend, Patsy, the other day about relationships and how they are such a beautiful indicator of where energy is flowing in your life. So, for example, those romantic relationships that I talked about, you may be having trouble in that area of your life and notice it manifesting somewhere else. So maybe things aren't moving the way that you want to in your business or the way that you interact with your children feels really stuck because that energy is not flowing in a giving and receiving way, right? The energy is stuck somewhere. And so our biggest relationship, our person that we're always around, that we're always with, is ourself. And so if there is energy stuck anywhere there, it's going to manifest in other places of our life and cause us some issues, if I'm being really honest. And I do think that finding and cultivating this relationship with myself has been one of the best ways that I've been able to continue to step into the best version of myself and continue to expand. And I think it really started when I read the book the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Speaker A [00:04:34]:

A good friend gave it to me either before or after Burning Man in 2018. And I feel like I come back to it again and again because it's a good reminder of a foundation of principles that you can have with yourself. So the very first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. And I remember this was the one that stuck out to me when I first read it because at the time I felt like I wasn't being true to my word. I was saying that, yes, I would go to something and then I would back out at the last second. Or I was not my full self at work, and not that I was lying, but it almost felt like it was a half truth, right? That I would show up to work and not fully be able to express myself or be myself or talk about the things that I was starting to really care about, like meditation and, like, crystals and, like, some of these woo woo things. I felt that maybe that version of me wouldn't be accepted in that place. And so starting to become more impeccable with my word made me see the ways that I was talking to myself, but also that I was talking to others.

Speaker A [00:05:43]:

And it started me down a journey of better understanding my own energy. And that as a projector in human design, I also have an emotional authority. So I have to wait before I say yes or no to things. And so discovering that about myself and discovering that I can't just in my excitement of something, say, yes, I want to do that. I'm going to say yes. But then when the time comes if I'm in a different part of my emotional and energetic wave, I could not want to go. And so I need to stop and honor. Is this a true yes in my body before I'm saying yes to anyone else? And that made me feel better about myself when I was better able to hold those boundaries.

Speaker A [00:06:28]:

Because being impeccable with my word mattered to me. It mattered that someone could trust me, could trust that what I said was true and that I was going to follow through with what I said I was going to do. And I find that to be true in my life now. I expect that of others. When someone says they're going to do something, I really trust that they're going to follow through. And if they don't, then that to me. Not that it's unforgivable. Nothing is unforgivable, I don't think.

Speaker A [00:06:58]:

But I really don't like when people aren't impeccable with their word. And that started with me, right? With me being able to say, okay, this is how I'm going to live my life and I'm going to move from this place. And being impeccable with your word also, I feel like, can come down to the way that you talk to yourself. And that was huge for my self confidence and for my self image and for my own energy to be feeding myself words of love and encouragement. Words of love and encouragement are my love language. And so if I'm not even able to talk to myself that way, how can I expect anyone else to? And that brings me to another point of realizing that I have to love myself first if that's going to be reflected in others. And this is not one of the four agreements, but that was a big realization for me, that I was looking for love in everyone else around me. I wanted everyone else to love me so much, but it was like begging, right? Because I wasn't even stopping to love myself.

Speaker A [00:08:06]:

So how could I expect them to see that in me if I couldn't see it in myself? And so starting to journal and incorporate more self love practices that poured back into myself, that allowed me to see myself and my beauty, really helped to kind of step into this confidence. And I think that's where I'm going with all of this, really, is that when you strengthen that relationship to yourself, you are more confident, you are more radiant, you are better able to attract into your life the things that are meant for you. And it starts with that self worth. It starts with that self talk. And from there, everything else stems. And you have to be able to feel that self worth within yourself before you can expect anyone else to. And it's not easy. It's a long, winding road, right? If you listen to my podcast from a couple of weeks ago about some of the things that I have been through in my life and in my spiritual awakenings.

Speaker A [00:09:08]:

I didn't start in that place, right? It's a practice that you have to cultivate over, you know, another agreement from the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz that I really think has helped me step into my self worth and confidence more is to not take anything personally. And this is one I'm always working on. There are some moments where it's really easy to come from that neutral mind and observe what's happening in a situation and say, this isn't about me, this is about that other person. But sometimes it is a lot harder, and you can internalize the words of others and twist them up and make them about you in a way that maybe they're not. And then you're feeling really bad about yourself, and there's no reason to. I truly don't take life very seriously at all, and I don't take my spiritual practice seriously. And when I say that, I don't mean that I don't commit and show up for myself every day, but I let it be fun, and I let it not create a rift in my energy, so to speak. So if someone says something bad about me, that's on them.

Speaker A [00:10:23]:

If I truly feel in my body and in my heart that what they're saying isn't some type of constructive feedback, if you will. So that, again, takes time and a muscle to be able to say, no, I stand in my own worth, I stand in my own truth. I know that that's not true. And then it's easier to come from that neutral mind and say, okay, I'm not going to take this personally. Some of the personal can be in hindsight, right? So in conversations with others that are just having a bad day or are just kind of shitting their energy everywhere. We talk about energetic hygiene in the third episode of this podcast. But energetic hygiene is really important because if you're not clear in your energy, it's going to be really easy to take on the energy of others and think that that energy that they're projecting onto you is yours when it's really not. And so some of the ways that you can start to realize and come from that neutral mind is going to be practicing things like Kundalini yoga or meditation or journaling or moving your body, dancing, right? So that you can come from that place versus from this place that is not in power, is not in your own energy, because you have to better understand your own energy to know when it's not yours, right? So I just did actually a super simple yet powerful energetic clearing and cleansing meditation, and it moved all of the energy out of my body and energetic field that wasn't mine.

Speaker A [00:12:03]:

And I do a really good job of cleansing my energy every single day. But it was so powerful, it broke one of my selenite crystals here in the room with me and it needed to happen because obviously I had some deep rooted energy that potentially wasn't mine, that was coming through. And now I feel clearer and better able to again attract what's meant for me because I'm in my own energy and grounding that energy and being in that energy is part of what we're here for, right? We're not meant to be so in the clouds that we're walking around on autopilot. We're meant to be fully embodied and fully full of life, if you will. And so the other agreements that are part of the four agreements, the don't make assumptions and the always do your best are ones that not that I don't follow because that's not true, but more they just haven't resonated in my life recently. And coming back to that relationship with self, the self talk and the anxiety spirals and the mind chatter that is constant, we are constantly distracted by things. Or if you're a busy mom like I am, you've got this mental to do list of things that always need to be happening. And anything that you can do to quiet that mind chatter or at least get it to a minimum, is so important because, again, then you're walking around with a head full of I don't want to say nonsense, but a head full of stuff that is keeping you from seeing how amazing you potentially are.

Speaker A [00:13:42]:

And so I come back to journaling a lot because for me that's the easiest way to get all of the messy thoughts out of my head and onto the page. And I really like taking the time to do that when I can because it can also show me the ways in which I'm not being kind to myself. And I always come back to this question that I learned from one of my mentors to ask if these things are true. Because more often than not the things that we're telling ourself are not true or they're a projection of the future, right? We get so caught up in the worry of what could happen that we're not even in the present moment. And when we come back to the present moment, we realize that actually we're safe and we're held and we're supported it's in that future state of uncertainty and of worry that we're trying to create from. And that's not an energy that wants to be held. It's a very slippery yucky energy to be creating anything from. And when I say create, I mean literally like creating your own life.

Speaker A [00:14:45]:

Not even creating a physical thing, but creating your reality and what you're bringing into your everyday because the energy that you are calling in, is calling. You truly believe that we are magnets for the energy that we're putting out into the world and we are going to bring forward the things that we not are worrying about, but that are potentially in our energetic orbit, whether it's a good or bad thing. And if it's a bad thing, then it's up to us to see the opportunity in it and move through it. But if it's a good thing, then, hey, it's a good thing. So this energy of retrogrades and revisiting and your relationship to self is something that never ends. And that's part of what we're going to continue to talk about on the podcast, right, is how to better step into your power and your confidence. Because you deserve to love yourself more than anybody else. And it doesn't make you selfish and it doesn't make you better than anyone, but you're the only person that's going to love you the way that you deserve because you know yourself the best.

Speaker A [00:15:56]:

And if you're listening to this right now and saying, victoria, yeah, right, I don't even know what I want to eat for dinner, that's okay. That's a starting point to then cultivate that relationship with yourself so that you can be coming from that more embodied place. Because that's a really powerful place to be. When you can set your own boundaries, when you can not take yourself too seriously, when you can be more in flow with the universe, that's when things come to you. That's when things unfold, because you're not trying to control the outcome and you're not afraid of what you're going to face. Because you have the strength and the power to know that you can overcome anything in your life. You absolutely can. You can face anything in this life.

Speaker A [00:16:42]:

And honestly, again, coming back to those worries, we tend to overthink and worry about the things that are coming our way. And then when they happen, we're like, oh yeah, that wasn't so bad, and what did we work ourselves up for, right? Nothing. So if you get nothing else from this episode, I hope that you are so powerful. And that when you start to cultivate that relationship with yourself, to love yourself, it almost doesn't even matter what anyone else does because you're moving from that place, that empowered place that knows that you're going to take care of yourself and that you are fucking all that and that you're amazing. And so if you want a place to start from with that, if you're like Victoria, I don't even know where to start. I am here to help you. My new online Kundalini and Breath Work membership, the portal collective just launched and we are in the throes of one of my favorite meditations to liberate the heart and lion's paws, to find your confidence and to call in that energy and to radiate out from the heart space. And so if you want that support, we're doing this meditation together for the rest of the month.

Speaker A [00:17:55]:

And then we have a new collective theme to help support you as you move through this relationship with yourself so that you can stand on your own. 2ft. Stand in your Power if you are looking for more information on that, check the show notes. The founder's rate of $17 a month is only going to last for another week, and then the price goes up. So I hope that you will join me on this journey. Because when we come together to rise up, we are stronger. And even if you feel like in this moment that you are not standing in your power, this beautiful community of women in the Portal collective will help mirror and shine that power back to you until you are ready to stand in your truth and shine it out to the world. And that is the power of coming together with other women.

Speaker A [00:18:41]:

When you are coming from that higher level, that place of not competition, but of collaboration, you see that you are mirrored and mirrored and all of the beautiful women around you. Thank you so much for tuning in today new episodes every single Tuesday. Again, the portal collective information is in the show notes. I'm here with you. I love you. Be good to one another. See you next weekend.