Episode 8: From Burnout to Bliss - The Transformative Power of Selfishness
Selfishness is actually self-care! There, I said it. In this week's episode, we'll dive into:
- The importance of selfishness and its benefits for both you and your family
- Using water (and a shower visualization in particular) to cleanse your energy
- Multitasking and its effects on focus and energetic potency
- The importance of setting boundaries and saying no - sometimes saying NO actually gives us more than saying YES ever would!
- The transformative power of Kundalini yoga, its ability to build resilience, and the importance of finding stillness in our busy lives
Tune in to discover how embracing a little selfishness can lead to a happier and more fulfilling life.
Join The Portal Collective now to be the first to know when Victoria releases new on-demand breathwork, meditation, and kundalini yoga videos.
Read the full transcript here:
Speaker A [00:00:02]:
Welcome to Flip the Script with Vic, your weekly pep talk to expand and shift your perspective. I'm your host, Victoria Nielsen. Together, we'll unwind all the things you thought you knew and awaken to what's possible when you flip the script and take control of your own life. Are you ready? Let's jump on in. Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Flip the Script with Vic. Your host, Victoria Nielsen. And I am tired.
Speaker A [00:00:31]:
I'm so tired. Y'all, the month of July has felt like it's 10 million years long. My kids are out of school, we've been traveling a lot, and mama needs a break. And so I feel like that is the perfect segue into an episode about selfishness and how actually being selfish is the best thing that you can do for yourself and your family because it allows you to fill your own tank before you're giving of others. So kind of like that analogy of putting your own oxygen mask on first when you're on the airplane. That's what it's like as a mom. You really have to fill your own cup, fill yourself up so that you can be the best mom, friend, partner, lover, all of the things that you want to do. But if you aren't selfish with your time, with your boundaries, with the things that you do for yourself, you are really pouring from an empty tank and you're going to become depleted, you're going to become burnt out, and you're going to become fucking tired.
Speaker A [00:01:34]:
And I've been doing my self care practices, and I'm still tired just because that's life with two kids under the age of four. And I know so many of you can relate to that as busy moms. And first and foremost, I just want to say that I want to reclaim the word selfish. It's not a bad thing. I was called selfish growing up and continued to be called selfish in certain instances. And it really used to get to me, and I used to be like, I don't want to be selfish. I'm not that. And when I decided to reclaim it and make it my own and say, you know what? Yeah, I am selfish, and that's okay, and that's a good thing for me in this moment.
Speaker A [00:02:15]:
It really helped me flip my perspective to say that it's okay to take time for myself. It's okay to put myself first sometimes, put my own oxygen mask on first. And I think as a mom, you have to do that because otherwise you're going to get run into the ground and no one's happy, especially not you. And yes, at the core of being selfish, it's about making yourself happy first. But I don't see that as a bad thing. You come into this life alone, you're going to leave this life alone, and you're the only person that's going to take care of you. So if you don't pour back into yourself, if you don't manage your energy. If you don't give yourself the things that you are craving and needing, then you're going to lash out at those around you.
Speaker A [00:02:59]:
You're going to be angry, you're going to be upset. I can't even tell you the difference. I was really cranky this morning because we've been traveling and just got back yesterday and there's just so much happening and the kids are home and I just took a bath, well, shower. And I used the shower as a means of cleansing myself. So if you've listened to the third episode of Flip the script with Vic, I talk a lot about energetic hygiene and energetic responsibility and I share with you the meditations that I do every morning and every evening to clear my energy and make sure that it's only my energy that I'm carrying. But something else that you can do that, I mean, really just completely shifted my perspective this morning is to take a shower, but use it as a time of cleansing and clearing. So envisioning the shower head as this bright white cleansing light coming down, clearing your chakras, clearing your energy, and then envisioning all that yucky stuff going down the drain and leaving your body and leaving your energy. And if you need a little bit of help, you can always call on Archangel Gabriel.
Speaker A [00:04:03]:
He is the holder, I guess you could say, of the white light, of that cleansing light. You can also always ask Archangel Michael to come in with his sword to kind of cut any cords or do anything that is just a little deeper if you want to spend more time doing it. But it can be as quick as a 510 minutes shower. And just almost like that song from South Pacific, right? Wash that man right out of your hair, wash that bad energy, that bad juju that negativity out of your body, out of your energy centers, out of your physical body. I just needed to pause and take a deep breath there and cleanse. And that was another message that actually came through in the spiritual shower this morning, was to slow down, that we are the ones that create this frenetic pace of go go. And I talk about it a lot that you need to slow down to integrate and slow down to do all of these things. But I'm going to take a bit of my own medicine this morning and just take some deep breaths and slow down.
Speaker A [00:05:18]:
Let's take a deep breath with me. Inhaling through the nose, filling the belly, the rib cage of the chest. Open mouth, exhale. Good. Don't you feel a little bit more settled? I do. I know that I'm trying to squeeze too many things into today, so taking that deep breath is reminding me to slow down, that I have enough time and that it's all going to get done. So back to cleansing and being selfish. You need to practice these things every day to come back to your sense of self, but also to remain sane as a busy mom.
Speaker A [00:06:01]:
And I know if you're a very new mom, it's really hard to ask for help or to give the baby to someone else or take that nap, but it's necessary, and it needs to be something that becomes part of your daily practice to recharge yourself. And so that brings me to the subject of boundaries. I always really thought that I had good boundaries. I was able to speak my piece and say things. But I've gotten a lot better about boundaries recently, and I've realized that there's as much power in saying no as there is in saying yes. And this actually came from my beautiful friend, Catherine Ziegler. And she said no to some really big things a couple of months ago. And in the moment, it felt yucky.
Speaker A [00:06:44]:
She didn't understand why, but it's allowed so much more to flow to her, so much easier, because she made space. And no is a full sentence. No is a complete thought. No is not anything that you have to explain to anyone else. And as women, I feel like when we say no, people want an answer. Why? Well, why can't you add that extra thing to your plate? Well, why can't you do this? And we need to learn to just say no. Use our throat chakras and say no. Because that's part of being selfish in the good way.
Speaker A [00:07:18]:
Right? Because then we're setting ourselves up for success by not overloading our plates, by not trying to juggle too many things. It really irks me when I have to multitask. Yes, there's some moments when it makes life easier, but more often than not, when you're multitasking, you're dropping the ball on something. And when you aren't able to give your full focus to one thing, I feel like everything suffers. I feel like when you're juggling three or more things at once, even two things at once, you're not putting in your full magic, your full secret sauce, your full power into the thing that you're doing. You're diluting it into two things, and then those two things may get done, okay? Or maybe above average, but they do not have the full potency and full power that they would have if you had really focused on that one thing. And so by saying no to things that don't light you up or don't feel in alignment or just saying no because you want to say no, you make space and room for the things that are meant for you to find you, and you make room for yourself. Not even thinking about all of the new magic that you're bringing in, but just thinking of the present moment.
Speaker A [00:08:30]:
You're giving yourself the space to breathe, to relax, to not always be doing something. And that is such a gift, because as a busy mom, it can feel like we're wasting time if we're not doing something if we're not taking care of someone, if we're not cleaning the house. And maybe this doesn't resonate with you, but taking the time to just sit and relax and be with ourselves and be in stillness is so nourishing and so needed. I am craving that after a couple of weeks of being on the go and being around a ton of people. And maybe it's just the projector in me, if you know human design at all. There are different energy types. And I'm not a human design expert, but I have learned my own energy type to better understand myself and my needs. And as a projector, which is an energy type that does not create its own energy, I have a finite amount of energy.
Speaker A [00:09:26]:
When it's done, it's done. And there have been many times that I have hit the wall. And it's caused chaos for myself and my family because I wasn't able to say no sooner or warn everyone, hey, I'm ten minutes from a fucking meltdown and we all need to take a break, or I need to walk away or whatever, and I'm getting better about it. But it comes back to those boundaries and saying no and standing up for yourself. And again, I think as women, it's hard to stand up for ourselves sometimes because then we're seen as bitchy or we're seen as too much, or any of those negative things. But I think it's necessary, we deserve to stand up for ourselves in that way so that we're taking care of our own sanity and our own energy and ourselves. And something else that has helped me on this journey of boundaries and energy and sticking up for myself and being selfish has been my Kundalini Yoga practice. And so finding Kundalini Yoga is when I really think about the start of my journey with it.
Speaker A [00:10:33]:
It's really funny. I had a yoga teacher that told me, she was like, you would love Kundalini Yoga. I've got someone at the studio that it's teaching it now. And I went to a class, and it was fine, but it didn't really resonate with me yet. And I think it was one of my first Kundalini Yoga teachers that said, your masters, your teachers that you are meant to learn this practice from, will find you, and it will be the teacher that you need that resonates with you most. And that's part of why I've become a Kundalini Yoga teacher, because I want to be that person. For someone to share this knowledge, because it has been so impactful in my life. And Kundalini is more than just yoga or breath work.
Speaker A [00:11:16]:
It is kind of an amalgamation of all these things. So Kundalini at its core is movement mantra, which is using our voice or sound current, and mudras, which are hand placements. And so the three combine in Kriyas, which are specific I don't know another word for kriya, specific kriya, or movement for the thing that you're calling in. So you may have a Kriya specifically for prosperity or peace or well being, whatever it is. But it's a finite amount of time and a specific set of movements to move your energy field and to move you through. The ten limbs of yoga to get to that place of enlightenment, to that place of bliss, to that place of connectedness, really to everything around you and to yourself. And for people that are not familiar with Kundalini, it can really look weird. It is not a quiet practice.
Speaker A [00:12:16]:
You are moving and shaking and sometimes pacing like a dog, and it can really look wild. My husband just looks at me like I'm insane because he's like, that doesn't look peaceful. That doesn't look like anything that I want to be doing. And that's fine. It's not for him. But I really enjoy it because as someone that was unable to quiet the mind, being able to move and shake and lean on Mantra as something to move through my mind instead of fixating on my thoughts, I could really get into it because it felt more active, and it felt like I wasn't trying to sit there and make my mind be quiet. My mind became quiet because of all of the actions and movements and things that I was doing. And I really liked the guided portion as well.
Speaker A [00:13:04]:
So having the facilitator or teacher not only share how to do the movements, but like saying inspirational things as you were doing the class. And I've come a long way. I've now come to a point of really wanting quiet and stillness, especially if I'm doing a Kriya that I've done over and over again. You are taught that doing a Kriya for 40 days is really beneficial, not just because it starts a new habit, but also because it really allows you to see yourself, because you can change in every moment, but the Kria stays the same. And so you get to see your own emotions and your own actions and how you respond to the daily stimulus of your everyday life. And so all of that to say, it took finding the right teacher for me to really fall in love with my Kundalini yoga practice. And I have gotten really into it in early 2020 after having Sebastian. And then I kind of shied away from it, and now I'm back to being in it because I see the difference and I see how much I'm able to harness the positive energy that I create in these practices in my everyday life.
Speaker A [00:14:10]:
And I will say also, for anyone that isn't used to practicing Kundalini yoga, it doesn't mean that you're going to be like Zen all the time. It means that you are moving yourself towards a higher vibrational state. So that could mean that you have low vibrational energy coming up and out of your system. So after practicing a specific Kriya, you may be angry you may be frustrated, you may feel like and that's totally normal, and your body may feel tired. And all of these things that maybe don't necessarily feel the best in the moment are totally normal because they are helping you clear your energetic field so that you can get back to a state of neutrality or high. Vibration faster and easier. So that the things outside of the mat that are fucking with you, that are triggering you do so in a less volatile way. Because your mat is a beautiful place to come practice these things.
Speaker A [00:15:09]:
Right? So you may be doing a repetitive arm motion in a Kriya that is just really uncomfortable, and it's taxing the physical body, and you're just like, oh, my God, I'm so done with this. But being able to persevere and move through it on the mat is how you're able to then be resilient in real life. And I think I talked a little bit about this a couple of episodes ago when I was talking about the mountain that I climbed with my husband recently. But it really helped me harness the power of my mind, because I was like, well, if I can get through a Kundalini yoga practice, then I can do this. Because it's all about mastering the mind and mastering the self so that you can come back to that state of wholeness, that state of completeness that's already there, and it's already within you. You're just removing the blocks and things that are keeping you from seeing and feeling it, and it allows you to move through life in a much easier way, I have found. So that was a lot for today for a tired mama. I don't know.
Speaker A [00:16:07]:
I got a kick of energy about sharing some of these things with you guys. But if you are resonating with this, if you want to learn more about Kundalini yoga, I actually am launching my own on demand Kundalini Yoga and Breath Work Video collective. We're going to have a challenge coming up here, a free challenge very soon. So get your name on the waitlist in the show notes if you would like to learn more, if you are loving listening to these new episodes every Tuesday, I would be so grateful if you liked shared, subscribed, all of those fun things so that even more people can flip their script with me. I hope you guys find a little time to be selfish today in whatever way feels good to you, because you deserve it. I love you so much. Thanks for being here with me. Be kind to one another.
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Cover art: @house.of.morgan
